Before I start, I’d like to say this may be triggering to some people. I will of course be mindful of what I say!

The Christmas period is either wonderful for some, or challenging for others. It’s the time of year you spend with your loved ones, however, for people who have lost, or is losing a loved one, it’s a very painful time of year.

This year has been hard for my family, particularly this Christmas. As you know from my last post, my mum is very poorly with lung cancer. Unfortunately we found out mum’s cancer has spread to her brain and she’s just had to have radiotherapy on her entire brain with hopes to shrink the tumours. They are inoperable. The doctors have said without treatment mum would have a mere 6 weeks left to live, and even with this radiotherapy she could have up to 12 weeks. This means that today is our last family Christmas with our beautiful mum. I never thought I would have to experience heart break quite like this. However we are holding out hope that she may be able to have immunotherapy (the opposite of chemotherapy, where they put healthy cells back into her system), and this could give her up to 1 year, but it all depends on how she reacts to the radiotherapy. Less than 8 weeks we may have left with her, with her cuddles and her wicked sense of humour.

We’re taking one day at a time, treasuring every second we have with her and trying to stay positive, but the heart break and sadness is so prominent, it’s sort of hard to ignore.

I’m sitting in my kitchen eating breakfast as I write this. Mum is upstairs having a nap because her energy is very low from her radiotherapy. We’ve just opened our presents from mum and every single one is beautiful, however again, there is a sadness that in only a couple months from now they might be the last things we have to remember her by.

As cliché as this sounds, appreciate every second you have with your family, because when it’s time to say goodbye you will regret losing that precious time. Even the bad times. Can you do me a favour and go smother your family with love today? Especially your mum, go tell her you love her and how grateful you are to have her. She needs to hear it :).

As I said before, I will write a post about mum’s treatment, when she was diagnosed etc.

I feel as though many people struggle in silence during this time of year, but don’t want to burden anyone with their sadness. I would please ask that if you notice your friends or family acting slightly off, that you don’t pry or try to force their thoughts out of them; but instead reassure them you are there to talk if they so desire.

If you are someone who is unfortunately struggling through this period, please don’t allow yourself to suffer alone. You are not a burden. You are a human being who is feeling pain, sadness and loss and that’s okay. Whether you’re struggling with mental health issues, particularly SAD (seasonal affective disorder) at this time of year, you’re going through a break up, you’re losing or have lost a loved one, you’re stressed about deadlines and exams upon your return from Christmas break? That is okay. You are allowed to feel sad and depressed for seemingly no reason, you are allowed to express your loss and grief, and your problems are important. Everyone has something going on, but everyone deals with things differently, and if stubbing your toe is the end of the world, then you are okay to feel that way, because you deal with things in your own way.

If you don’t want to talk to your friends or family about what’s going on then please remember you can call Samaritans for FREE support 24/7, even Christmas day on 116123. I would like to note that you don’t have to be having thoughts to end your life to contact Samaritans. They will be there to listen to your thoughts, feelings and keep you company through anything from loneliness, to guiding you through your suicidal thoughts, and hopefully back into a more peaceful state of mind.

I have used Samaritans many times over the last few years. For example, when I’ve not been able to sleep because I have too much on my mind, experiencing suicidal thoughts and even when I have had plans to end my life. They are kind hearted people who listen to you and don’t make you feel bad for the way you’re feeling and that is so important.

If you don’t like to speak to people on the phone, then you can text 741741 if you are feeling depressed or suicidal, and a crisis worker will reply straight away and keep talking for as long as you need them to. I’m not sure of whether this is still in use Christmas day, so if anyone knows please let the rest of us know!

Please remember to be kind to yourselves and also to others, you never know what someone else is going through and the smallest dig or snarky comment can make someone snap.

Enough of my ramblings, I’m going to enjoy our last Christmas whilst I can. I hope you all have an amazing day despite whatever else is going on in your lives right now ❤. Merry Christmas!

Take care, Beth xo